Somewhere in the unwritten rule book of blogging, there is an entire chapter on the importance of a New Year’s post and how to write them. I’m sure if you pop around to all your favourite blogs over the next couple of days, you’ll see them. Since there’s no one in the world who likes a good cliché better than me, here’s mine.
That blogging rule book–if I ever bother to read it–I’m sure talks about how a New Year’s post should be positive, looking back on the old year to recap happy events, looking forward with positivity on the new year, perhaps even making some resolutions.
I like to be a little more honest.
2018 had the potential to be a decent year, but the last couple of months kind of tossed it
in the toilet and have left me viewing it through shit-coloured glasses, but I shall try the recap as unbiasedly (and briefly) as possible.
Again, a bit of history first. When the ex and I split in June of 2015, we remained living under the same roof to support our children through what could be a difficult transition. That came to an end in January this year when my daughter and I got a place together and my ex moved in with her boyfriend. This arrangement was never supposed to permanent–it was only supposed to be for a few months–but ended up continuing until mid-November. The two of us finally being able to live separately was a great relief for both of us.
Living for that time with daughter was the highlight of the year. We had a great time and became closer than we have ever been.
Beyond that, the year just kind of ticked by without much success. I did get my motorcycle license and a couple of new tattoos but, otherwise, I went to kickboxing when I could, my work went through many changes while my income declined, the pseudo-relationship I had ended (I’m sure more about that will come up another time–we’re still good friends), I didn’t write hardly at all.
What I thought might have been another highlight happened in October when I met someone online who I connected with more than I ever have before but, by November, she was plainly not in the place for a relationship (again, the subject of a future post if I gain permission to write about it). It’s affected me more than I thought it could.
All this leaves me at the end of 2018 not feeling great about the whole thing. I’m extremely grateful for the way my relationship with my daughter progressed, and I know in my head I should be searching for other things for which to show gratitude, but I enter 2019 grieving due to those last two months, highlighted by my first Christmas and New Year’s feeling completely on my own.
And as I stand at the edge of a new year with a tightness in my chest, what do I have to look forward to? My fast approaching fiftieth birthday, for one, which is having far more effect on me than I ever would have imagined. Six months after that, my daughter graduates high school and it’s her intent to leave town for post secondary education. I’m finding it difficult to see past those two things.
Needless to say, the thought of the year to come has me feeling some trepidation.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all doom and gloom–I know there is potential for 2019 to be the best year ever, and my fingers are crossed. One way or another, it’s going to be a year of change and growth. Can’t lie though…I’m feeling a mite nervous.
Let’s all hope for the best.